To Change or To Adjust?
In the world of courtship, relationship and marriage, we tend to make a lot of sacrifices. At times to our own benefit other times to make a partner happy be it at our own detriment or not.
We act as if habits are clothes that can be changed at any time.
We implore partners to change and then scream foul when we don’t recognize them anymore.
My believe is that why ask for CHANGE when you can ask for ADJUSTMENT. That way everyone is happy, no one is making any wholesome changes just little adjustments to fit your demands better.
Very often, we hear couples fight over things they’d promised to change about, like you promised you’d quit smoking, you promised you’d quit clubbing, you really need to stop seeing that girl or guy and stuffs like that. So many demands in a relationship.
Most times this demands can be overwhelming, because change doesn’t just happen at once without several relapses but we expect it to. We act as if it’s a change of clothes.
In reality if you plead with me to quit smoking, I can make adjustments and promise you I’d reduce the intake gradually. That is the beauty of change, it’s a gradual process.
Addictions and habits are not things you can just opt out of any time you want. It takes time, it’s a process or else you’d lose yourself in the process. Weening is done gradually, it’s a process.
When you have a clothe you love, you don’t change it just because it doesn’t fit you. It takes reason to know you’re better off gradually slim fitting it to your size and demand. Do you tell a talkative partner to learn to keep quiet more often or do you tell them to learn when to be quiet and when to talk?
So my dear, when next I complain about things that you do, I am not asking you to change. I am asking you to adjust but even adjustments have it’s limit.
Don’t lose your partner to change.