Why You Should Properly Heal Before Committing To A New Relationship

These Tips Will Help You Have A Better Relationship – Lifestyle

Why You Should Properly Heal Before Committing To A New Relationship

Reasons why you should never go into a new relationship without properly healing from the previous.


The Place Of Healing

I think so many of us underestimate the power of healing (from past hurts) in an healthy relationship. We are of the opinion that a new relationship will take away the pain of a former one, forgetting that, “hurt people, hurt people”. Very few people get it right on their first try. If you’re one of these lucky group of people, I congratulate you. I belong to the group of “trials and errors”.

This prompted me into deciding to educate myself on relationship matters. My track record shows I seemed to have so little knowledge about the relationships. So why not educate myself on relationships? A little education on relationship tips and advance can’t harm anyone. After all, we educate ourselves about our career, finances, spirituality, etc. Would it be so bad if we did the same about love & relationships? We all have relationship goals, why don’t we then work towards these goals.

In the process of educating myself on relationship tips and advice, I discovered an area we take with so much levity. I realized, that many never take the time to completely heal and because of this we have more broken & unhealthy relationships than we do healthy ones. There is no need to wonder why, the reason is quite straightforward.

A study carried out by the University of Chicago showed that a husband with a high level of positivity has a lesser chance of experiencing conflict in his relationship. Similarly, an exclusive infographics from scienceofrelationships.com and dating advice.com showed that:

  • more than one-third of people have had revenge or rebound sex as a way to cope with breakups.
  • relationship problems drive people to drink.

Reasons why you should never go into a new relationship without properly healing from the previous.

So, where exactly is the place of healing in a healthy relationship?

  • Healing enables you to enter into a new relationship with a clean slate.

This doesn’t mean:

  • The pain of the past didn’t occur.

  • That you do not learn from past mistakes & experiences.

  • That you forget (because we never completely do).

What it does mean:

  • Is that you do not punish an innocent for the crimes of another.

  • Is that you unloaded your emotional baggage, attachments, & soul ties outside the doors of your new relationship.

  • Is that you won’t be bringing toxicity into your new relationship.

  • Is that you won’t have trust issues or insecurities.

  • Is that you will love with your head first.

  • Is that you keep your eyes open for red flags.

  • Is that you understand that love is a choice, that relationships require work & that communication is a vital key.

Is I’m fine the biggest lie of our generation

How Important Is Healing?

Do you now see how important healing is? You need to take some time off to heal before you venture into a new relationship. You owe it to yourself & your future partner. Each individuals healing process is unique. The longer you were in that relationship, the longer it might take you to heal.

I know that some rebound relationships work out but those are the exceptions, not the rule. Sometimes, relationships crash because one party entered into the relationship broken & hurt. During the course of the relationship, they work on themselves and they heal. Growth has occurred. The other person might not be able to keep up or maybe they loved the broken you more. Eventually, the relationship breaks apart. If you had taken time to heal outside the confines of a relationship, you would have chosen a partner that complements your growth.

The place of healing in healthy relationships is quite a big deal. In my next post, I’ll be writing about steps to take to initiate the healing process.

About The Guest Author

Adeola Odewale Creative Writer - LamLam inkings

Adupeola Odewale

Adupeola Odewale is a Creative Writer, she’s also a Children’s Minister and founder of Catch Them Young Foundation. She’s passionate about two things; Young people as well as Building Healthy and Lasting Relationships. She’s an addicted reader and has an undeniable sweet tooth. Chocolate is her poison of choice.

You can check out her blog at www.adupeolaodewale.blogspot.com

Relationships : this is a relationship talk; making changes is a norm in relationships, but do couples sometimes demand or expect too much, is it then better to make adjustments than wholesome changes

Relationships – Is Making Changes Harmful


To Change or To Adjust?


In the world of courtship, relationship and marriage, we tend to make a lot of sacrifices. At times to our own benefit other times to make a partner happy be it at our own detriment or not.
We act as if habits are clothes that can be changed at any time.
We implore partners to change and then scream foul when we don’t recognize them anymore.
My believe is that why ask for CHANGE when you can ask for ADJUSTMENT. That way everyone is happy, no one is making any wholesome changes just little adjustments to fit your demands better.
Very often, we hear couples fight over things they’d promised to change about, like you promised you’d quit smoking, you promised you’d quit clubbing, you really need to stop seeing that girl or guy and stuffs like that. So many demands in a relationship.
Most times this demands can be overwhelming, because change doesn’t just happen at once without several relapses but we expect it to. We act as if it’s a change of clothes.
In reality if you plead with me to quit smoking, I can make adjustments and promise you I’d reduce the intake gradually. That is the beauty of change, it’s a gradual process.
Addictions and habits are not things you can just opt out of any time you want. It takes time, it’s a process or else you’d lose yourself in the process. Weening is done gradually, it’s a process.
When you have a clothe you love, you don’t change it just because it doesn’t fit you. It takes reason to know you’re better off gradually slim fitting it to your size and demand. Do you tell a talkative partner to learn to keep quiet more often or do you tell them to learn when to be quiet and when to talk?
So my dear, when next I complain about things that you do, I am not asking you to change. I am asking you to adjust but even adjustments have it’s limit.


Don’t lose your partner to change.

Do you believe partners demand too much in relationships? We’d love to read your opinions.